Dear Harriet, I have been married for some years but still maintain just a friendly relationship with my ex-girlfriend. Recently, I am beginning to have affection for her more than my wife. I keep feeling that my marriage is a mistake. Please, what should I do? Kindly help me. Thanks.
Name withheld. Lagos
Thanks for sharing your situation with us. Your case is not an exceptional one, trust me. Some people are in your situation in their relationship or marriage at the moment but they find it hard or there is no outlet or somebody to speak to. Some have tuned their minds to go with the flow while others are standing firm, putting all the ex-girlfriend feelings to rest.
One thing for sure is that there is no perfect wife or perfect husband. Couples, in some cases, have this feeling that they would have been better married to maybe their ex or someone else. They think the grass is greener on the other side. This will pose a huge problem if not tackled properly. The feeling of someone better than your wife, if care is not taken, can give room to other issues in the home.
In no time, you will start seeing and treating your wife badly, simply because of the feelings you have for your ex, without realising it. As a result, you will always find fault in your wife, no matter how much she tries to be a good wife for you. Your marriage is very young, and I suppose that before you proposed to your wife, you thought it through, most of all, if there was some kind of affection or connection between both of you.
Agree that the early years of coming together to live as one is really not easy because everybody is trying to make a point, call it securing their space somehow. Couples struggle at this early stage. Take, for instance, all this while you are used to doing things in a certain way, but now that you are married the story is different, it is no longer going your way; things have changed. This stage does not last forever since couples get better as the day goes by. The main quality that will keep couples going is if they have love for each other, which is the main factor that holds a good marriage together.
Love overcomes every obstacle. Another factor is to have an open mind with your wife; no assumptions because, without a free mind, you cannot have effective communication, an important ingredient that couples need for a successful marriage. Acceptance and contentment must be mentioned at this point because when they are lacking in a marriage, it can give room for issues.
Satisfaction comes from within, so to snap out of this feeling is to remind yourself of the reason why you married your wife. The ball is in your court to make your marriage work. Come to think of it, what guarantee is there that your ex will be a better wife? Relationship or dating is a different game compared to marriage. Besides, she can only show you the part of her that she wants you to see. Have you ever thought of it? The devil you know, they say, is better than the angel you don't know. Think it over and see how you can make it work because one thing we must note is that it takes two to build a happy home.
Furthermore, every couple has its strengths and weaknesses. Learn to encourage each other and work on your weaknesses as a team. Talk to her about everything, especially your likes and dislikes, don't hold anything back and ask her about hers as well. Discuss freely about all, even your sex life. You are married, confirmed husband and wife, for crying out loud. So, talk and learn from each other on how to bond as one. In addition, if you want to stop thinking about your ex, you need to take away her presence from your life. Therefore, all contact with her must stop; no phone calls, no text messages, e-mails or social media messages.
Interaction must be brief and formal, if necessary. There is no perfect marriage, you must know. For every successful marriage you see out there, it means that someone worked at it. Someone showed love, faithfulness, honesty, humility, patience, tolerance, appreciation and satisfaction. Life is about the choices we make. Occupy your mind with thoughts that will aid you to achieve realistic goals in order to be a better person and husband. Take up sporting activities that you enjoy. Filling your days up will leave little time to start feeling or thinking of your ex. Get busy.
Having joint activity with your wife can bring back the spark in your relationship. Make space to spend quality time as couples together, go out if need be, and do those things you used to do. Enjoy each other's company. Most marriages are boring today because couples pay little or no attention to spending quality time doing what they enjoy doing before marriage. Feeling is a mind set, and you alone can control it. Cherish what you have.
Posted via Festechvibes panels.
0 comments:
Post a Comment
JOIN THE DISCUSSION